apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
