i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
