my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize