wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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