Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
