Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
