I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize