Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
