it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
