no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
