Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
