yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i think im in europe. pls send help
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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