I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
