when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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