My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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