I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
