I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
