I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
