It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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