I want to walk on stilts...naked
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
