my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
