Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You're like the curious george of whores
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
