my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
