I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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