Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
