check it out our google latitudes are spooning
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize