Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
