dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
