I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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