I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm like, not good at living.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
