Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
