yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
