she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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