like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
