FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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