We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
