I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
