I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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