Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I will be naked everywhere
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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