and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
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