Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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