how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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