I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Houston, we have a blender
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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