i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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