sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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