I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
