its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
