How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
