i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
