so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
