Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
