you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
