how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
