if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
