My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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