I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Welp...herpes.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
True college students do jello shots in the library
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
