He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
