I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize