so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
