Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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