Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
