I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
