new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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