her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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