When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
