I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
