I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm at about main and main street
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize