He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
