I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize