And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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