Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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