I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
