Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
