Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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