I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
