God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
